I used to envy women that got to stay at home all day, whilst their husbands went off to earn the bacon. I used to think that after doing house work and looking after the kids (if they had any) they had the rest of the day to lazy about, kick back and relax! I used to think what an awesome life that would be!
Until.... It happened to me!
Now for reasons that I shall not disclose right now, I am currently not working. I'm a stay at home wife. My day consists of waking up, having a shower, getting dressed, breakfast, piano and guitar practice, university work (I'm currently working towards my 2nd postgraduate degree), day time t.v, an afternoon nap and a walk around the block (if I feel like going out); that's pretty much it... oh wait, and of course housework and lots of it! After all that, I am bored out of my mind and the highlight of my day begins to be waiting for my husband to return home from work! I then wake up the next day and do it all over again! Yawn!
Now don't get me wrong... there is absolutely nothing wrong with living like this if it suits you and makes you happy. My point is that it is not for everyone and certainly not for me! I understand that some people have no choice but to live this way and they do a very good job at keeping the house clean and looking after the kids (which is a big job in itself) but given the choice right now, I personally would opt out! Let's just say I am beyond fed up :) and I smile because if I don't smile I will literally cry!
Now my situation is not forever and I will soon finish my studies and get back into the field of work... I never thought I would look forward to getting back into work. Oh boy do I look forward to going back to work and having adult group conversations, discussing current affairs and watching the clock, eagerly anticipating lunch hour so I can devour my jolloff rice with salad on the side (got to keep it healthy people). I never thought I would miss all those things! Here I am missing them and trying to drown my sorrows with a dose of day time TV, which by the way just makes you sink deeper into your sorrows to the point where you want to punch your own television... But then you remember how much the TV cost you to buy and how much a new would set you back if you broke it... Once you remember that, you are suddenly able to excercise some self control!
Although part of me did write this post to rant and let out some of my frustration, bear with me, as I also wanted to highlight some positives that I have learnt during my period of being a 'house wife'.
Firstly the importance of good friends! Now notice I said 'good' friends, not just any old Tom, Dick & Harry (no offence if you have any of those names). I have found that being a stay at home wife (or mum) can be incredibly lonely! There is only so much interaction you can have with an interactive TV or the Internet or your phone. There is something about human interaction that technology can never replace. I now understand why some retired, elderly people that live alone around my area stop me to have a chat about the weather! It used to annoy me when I was the busy 'rush, rush' wife... I used to wonder why they couldn't realise that I didn't have time to talk about how terrible the weather was, because I was in a hurry or I'd had a long working day (you know one of those days you show up late, you suddenly realise your shirt is on inside out and your boss is behaving like THE HULK when he's angry) and the last thing I wanted to do was to stop and chat about the weather. After having a long day at work I would be reluctant to stop and talk to anyone because to be frank... I honestly didn't care! Ironically, back then, all I wanted to do was to go home and interact with the TV. Now after many weeks of being a stay at home housewife, if I go for a walk I find myself stopping to talk to people about.. yup, you've guessed it; the weather! I realise now that most people don't actually want to stand around discussing the probability of rain, sleet or snow and how correct or incorrect the BBC weather forecast was that morning, but they in fact just crave human conversation, human contact and human interaction. I guess living in a 'dog eat dog,' individualistic society does that to you! We forget to reach out to people and interact with them and even when we want to do so, technology ensures that the interaction is not as rich as it could be: although having said that there are many ways that technology does assists us to interact more.... But you get my point (hopefully).
I live far away from all my friends and most of family so the loneliness hit me like Nicola Adams hits her boxing opponents. It reminded me the importance of good friends, keeping in touch and showing you care because being lonely is an ugly thing! Your friends are the people that help take away that ugliness and help make life beautiful... so keep 'em close!
I've also learnt the importance of not loosing yourself! Although I say this from the perspective of being a wife, it can be applied in all aspects. Now, what do I mean by not loosing yourself? I mean not loosing the things you love personally, the good things in life you do that make you smile, that bring you joy and reminds you that life is worth living! This could be sports, writing, poetry, music, painting, walking, running or cooking. Whatever it is that gives you that kick in life make sure you don't loose it when you get married, get promoted, get a new job or whatever. It's important to nurture your individualism and not loose touch of who you are as a person. Loosing touch with yourself can be easy to do if you are always prioritising your family, kids, spouse, job, your boss etc. Remember that amongst all of that you must prioritise yourself also. The key word here is balance! Balance things to keep yourself happy because the best gift you can give to the world or your family is a happy you! Spending a lot of time alone made me realise just how many things I love, that I no longer do or make time for anymore such as writing, poetry, music and other things. These are things that usually put a smile on my face or at least make me feel that life isn't as bad as it may seem at the time. I have found that having a lot of time on your hands helps you gravitate towards things you find enjoyable, simply because you become board and crave for something to do....but we must remember to still fit these things in, especially when other things compete for our time in life: doing this makes life that little bit more enjoyable... Remember the key word here is balance!
There are many other things I've learnt during this time of being alone to myself but if I list them all we shall be here all day! I shall end with highlighting the importance of keeping busy. One of the quickest roads to depression is not having anything to do, having nothing to live for, waking up each day for no reason. Start a project, get a hobby, try something new, learn a new skill or language; do something... Anything positive to keep your mind sharp. I am grateful in a way that I have a lot of coursework to complete for my university studies because it gives me a goal that I am working towards at the moment. It keeps my mind sharp and focused. This is important especially if you do wish to one day get back into the competitive world of work. Even if this is not your goal it is important to exercise your brain. We are creative beings, our brains are meant to be challenged, our minds are meant to learn, expand, obtain knowledge. I personally believe putting your mind to work on something generally helps you feel a lot better than you would feel after watching 14 hours straight of day time TV or YouTube videos...give your eyes a break and do your brain a favour... get up and do something, see the world, live life: don't just let it pass you by!
All the above is applicable to all you fellas that may be reading this but it's especially important to us ladies. Why do I say this? I say this because I am a lady myself and this is my blog and this post is written specifically for the ladies (hence the title saying Women's Issue) so I can be as biased as I like! (If you frown upon that, go and write your own blog where you can also be as biased as you like) :) ...... With all jokes aside, it is important to us ladies to keep emotionally balanced no matter the circumstance we find ourselves in. As we constantly strive to balance our emotions, hormones, family life, working life, finances, kids, the dog, the cat and whatever else may be in the mix, Western society can tend to look upon us as the 'super woman,' and there is that pressure to be educated, well presented, a good wife, good cook, good mother and a good provider amongst other things! We are expected to do this whilst looking 'sexy' from the moment we pull ourselves out of bed to the moment we lay our tired heads on our pillows each night. That is a lot of pressure to deal with! .. but ladies let me tell you this... the only pressure you have to deal with is the pressure you place on yourself! Society will always have their opinions and expectations, what matters is your own opinion of yourself, your own expectations and your happiness: what matters is YOU!
Make sure you have a support system of good friends and (or) family that you keep in touch with, don't loose yourself (make time for YOU and the things that make you happy) and keep busy in life.., live life, enjoy life don't let it pass you by whilst you watch a 14 hour stretch of day time TV!
Make sure you are a happy YOU for the sake of your boyfriend, fiancé, husband, sons, daughters, friends, family and the whole of society. House wife or no house wife, working or unemployed.... I was a busy working wife, now I'm an overly chilled out house wife; not particularly loving the transition but making the most out of it (knowing it won't last forever) and learning from it. We are women (except you fellas reading this obviously!) and as a woman we have the ability to make the best out of whatever situation we find ourselves in.... because God created us to be awesome like that! ... Can I get an amen?
-Mrs A-x
No comments:
Post a Comment