Changes - Not Tupac - Just Changes =)

Have you ever felt like you don't quite know who you are anymore? Or perhaps the people around you say that you have changed so much that they don't recognise you anymore? If this is the case... then you're most likely changing or going through a change! Let me shed a little bit of light/hope.

It doesn't have to be a bad thing. Life is about learning. It's a journey we go through and we will develop different view points, ideas, habits as we go along the way. Have you ever heard the saying that change is the only constant in life? Well if you haven't, now you have! If you have changed / are changing ... then embrace it... it's going to happen some time or other!

Of course, when I say embrace the changes, I am talking about positive changes. Any change that doesn't mentally, physically and emotionally make you worse is a good change (in my opinion).

Change is hard to deal with at times. Everybody loves familiarity! Here is the thing, if it's happening then it's going to happen. If you fight it, then it will only make things harder. There have been days when I have been chilling with friends and I feel differently towards them. I feel like we are drifting apart or that they are not part of my future journey. I don't immediately cut them off... not at all, but I don't fight the drifting. I don't try to hold on to people that walk away or drift off. I take it down to change and embrace it!


Take a deep breath, buckle your seatbelt and embrace the ride. Life is to be enjoyed and you must try to find enjoyment in every moment. There is no point in stressing over something that you can not control, so go with it (remember as long as it is not harmful to you in anyway).

View change as a good thing! We change our clothes, underwear, toothbrushes hair styles (some of us) etc. – these are all positive changes! Make the change that you are going through, a positive one too and embrace it!

Just saying =)

Top 10 Don'ts of Wedding Planning

So, he's just popped the question.... happy days!

If you said YES, this Blog entry is for you... 

If you said NO... girl, sorry but you've clicked the wrong link!

So for all you YES ladies: CONGRATULATIONS!

Now it's time to plan, plan, plan!

There is so much information out there about wedding planning, and if you are really bad at planning, there is no excuse, just hire a wedding planner... or get your girlfriends and family to help you out!

My Top 10 DON'Ts of Wedding Planning

(Check out my video for more on this topic - link is below)

Stress!

Don't stress... it's one day of your life! Do your best with planning and let it all fall into place. The most important thing is that the marriage is a happy and loving one, even if nothing goes to plan on the wedding day, the marriage is more important! Enjoy the day and don't throw the punches, just roll with them.

Get lost with the fairies

Ladies, keep your plans realistic. Set a realistic budget with your partner, stick to it and save money where you can. There is nothing worse than starting a marriage in thousand of pounds in debt, just because you wanted a 7 tier cake, 5 horses with a golden carriage and a six figure wedding dress. Men are usually good at keeping to budget so this is where you can let your beau's skills shine! (P.s don't let him talk you out of EVERYTHING though, compromise is the key word here.)

Get lost in the hype

Remember to still spend time away from wedding planning with your fiancé. It's very easy to get consumed with all the planning. Don't forget to chill out sometimes, go to the park, go and watch a film, have dinner or something... anything that isn't associated with the wedding.We all need a break sometimes.

Be a push over

Allow your family, friends or anyone to take over or bully you (or your partner) into doing anything you don't want to do. Protect your partner and always stand in the middle as the peace maker between your partner and your family with regards to disagreements. This way you protect their relationships with each other. Overall remember that what YOU & YOUR PARTNER says, goes  (just communicate in a loving manner and allow those around you some freedom, after all they only want to celebrate with you).

Turn into Bride-zilla!

As much as you shouldn't be a push over, make sure you are balanced. Do not turn into that crazy bride that nobody can talk to any more. Check yourself constantly. 

Be a lastminute.com bride

Just don't do it, You won't be doing yourself any favours. 

Forget to plan your honeymoon

Even if your partner is taking care of this area, try and help as much as you can. The quicker this is sorted out the better (especially if you are travelling abroad). Oh and don't forget passports!!!!

Try and do everything alone

You have friends for a reason. Allocate! (more on this in the video)

Don't risk the perfect wedding dress look because of a random BRA!

Please, please, please make sure you wear the exact same bra that you intend to wear on your big day, whilst trying on your wedding dress and going for fittings. You will not believe the drama an ill-fitting bra can cause on the day. You can do without the stress! For those of you that think this is not a big deal, believe me when I say that a change of bra can make all the difference! A bra can affect your wedding dress fastening up correctly and more importantly COMFORTABLY. This point is important also for those who do not want their bra showing on the day and for those who wish to ensure that everything is supported properly! Don't let this be an issue on the day, once you've got your dress, get the right BRA asap... and try them together asap!  

Skip Breakfast - (For the wedding day)

When the big day arrives... Do not skip breakfast! Trust me on this one... just don't do it!

Incorporate breakfast in your day! You can have breakfast with your girls, the family... whoever you like... just make sure you push food past those lips of yours! You're going to need to keep your energy levels up! Also, if you can, never be too far away from a drink. Things can get overwhelming and you can easily get thirsty. I would suggest water, lemonade or something clear. Drinking a coloured beverage whilst having a white wedding dress on (if that's the colour you go for) is a recipe for trouble.  

So, those are my top 10

What would you  include in your top 10 list that perhaps I have left out? 

Leave a comment ....and then go check out my video on YOUTUBE for more on this topic!

Don't forget to subscribe!

Instagram: Evangeline_The_Poet

Video Link

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RDsciF9ObeQ

Hair Talks

Black women's hair!

This is probably one of the most talked about subjects amongst black women. It really shouldn't be a big deal, but for some it really is! Whilst there are many deep issues surrounding this topic, such as self confidence, health, perception in the work place and much more... I think it is about time we just let it go! We all have a choice of how we want to style our hair. As long as you are educated about your decision, not inflicting your views on others and not harming yourself or anyone else.... then who cares how you are wearing your hair or if your hair is even yours!

What happened to: "hi, let's get to know each other"

Nowadays people walk on by 'coz they judge by the cover

Got an awesome storyline written on the pages

Been waiting for someone to read you for ages

But you don't glitter or sparkle nicely like gold 

So you're left on the shelf lonely and cold

Don't worry because the outer shell fades

And what is left are the words on the page

So don't you stress no matter what you do

Someone will one day take the time to read you

*Check out my Hair Talks video about my weekend in Woodgreen*

and share your personal experiences too!

The Life of a Wife

As little girls, many of us ladies perhaps dreamt of our Prince Charming coming to sweep us off our feet and whisk us away into our 'forever after'. Many of us perhaps even engaged in role play games, in which we would force some poor unsuspecting little boy to be our husband and play the role of daddy in the house, whilst we played the role of the wife and mummy. Playing 'house' is a classic role play game that children play in schools and nurseries even today. From an early age, us ladies seem to have a solid understanding of what a wife is, what her role in the household is and what is expected of her. With all of this knowledge under our belts, you would think that it would be plain sailing for us ladies when the rings exchange, the vows are said and the kiss is signed, sealed and delivered. Everything at first may appear to be easy... until we dive head first into it. Then for many of us, we realise that we need arm bands to stay afloat or a lifeguard to stop us from drowning. Even for those who are able to swim independently, there are still times when we need to come up for air.

Now, personally I was never one to play 'house.' I was too busy doing kart wheels and handstands to care about things like that. However, I do remember from an early age, understanding that being a wife meant cooking, cleaning and looking after children. My mother and aunties made sure this was drummed into my head with comments such as... "if you don't learn to cook, what will your husband eat?" or "if you don't tidy your house, where will he put his feet?" At that age, quite frankly, I did not care because firstly, I didn't have a husband nor did I have any plans to get one. I was a kid for goodness sake! Secondly, I was too busy spending time with my head in a good book or perfecting my kart wheels and handstands. Naturally I rebelled against the notion that a woman should cook and clean. I resisted the idea that my brother should relax and enjoy himself whilst I slaved away in the kitchen cooking for the whole family. I believed in being treated equally! Even with my resistance, there seemed to be no getting away from the chores that had my name on them simply because I was female and evidently in training to be a wife. The cooking, the dishes and the cleaning were all women's jobs so I was told. I'm pleased that I never believed that then and don't believe it now! It's these very ideologies that are instilled in us from a young age that can be the very weight that makes us sink as grown women when we dive into marriage.

Being a wife is a journey that you embark on with God and your husband. The journey will be a lot easier if all negative preconceptions of being a wife (that come from family, friends, media etc) are thrown out the window! My advice is to start from a clean slate and pray and ask God how to be a good wife (after all God invented the institution of marriage). Have a discussion with your hubby, or fiancé and explore what he needs in a life partner. Perhaps he doesn't care if you can cook because he is a chef. Instead he might need someone with business acumen to help launch his catering business for example. If all you are doing is spending hours slaving away in the kitchen, fussing about cooking the recipes your mama taught you, when he can whip up a 3 course meal for the whole family in 20min (and better still, enjoys doing it) then you are not really helping him. His need for a business savvy queen is not being met. Discuss with your partner what he needs from you as a wife and vice versa and start from there. Also discuss expectations because whilst you may have been raised to think that all a wife does is cook, clean and pop out the kids whilst a man goes out to work, it may be that he expects you to help earn the bacon to build for a better future. If you are not open minded then you may find yourself sinking. Every marriage is different. The main thing is that you are following the biblical principles of marriage, staying open minded to each other and aiming to meet each other's needs in the marriage. There is no room for your parents' or friends' ideologies in your marriage. As a wife you are one with your husband; you work things out together.

Now all the above does not mean you should not seek advice from trusted friends or marriage counsellors if needed. Just season all advice dished up, with a pinch of salt.

I could write and tell you what my personal life as a wife is like in more detail but telling you about my lovely marriage would take far too long plus everyone's experience is different anyway. Everyone will have the good times and the not so good times... the main thing is to continue to choose to love each other.


The life of a wife is so many things
The life of a wife is more than the rings
The life of a wife is about holding your own
The life of a wife means that lil girl has grown
The life of a wife means staying close with Christ
He wrote the guidelines - the way to do it right!

Much More Than Just A Teacher! (Dedicated to Mr. William Cummings)

A couple of days ago, I read on Facebook that the most influential man in my childhood educational days died after loosing his battle with cancer. I couldn't believe what I was reading. I had to read it twice over and I wanted to believe that it was someone's idea of a sick joke; to my dismay it wasn't! As I read the news I felt a deep sadness grip me. At that moment, nothing else mattered in the world...only me and the words I was reading. Suddenly that argument I just had with my friend, and the fact that I was hungry, or missed my favourite TV show the previous night all became irrelevant at that moment! Nothing else mattered.

Those who had the pleasure and privilege of meeting Mr. Cummings will know just what a treasure he was to the educational world and the world in general.

As a teacher Mr. Cummings always did his best by his pupils. Even when you were deliberately messing around in class, he would never write you off. If you went to him for help, he would go above and beyond to make sure you got the best help available. He believed in his students and because he cared so much, it would frustrate him when his students made no effort to 'try' in his class.

It was in year 8 of school when I realised that Mr. Cummings was a teacher that didn't just see me as a statistic. He looked beyond the school league tables and saw pupils as individuals. It was year 8 that I realised how blessed I was to have a teacher that actually cared about me!

All of this first dawned on me when Mr. Cummings noticed my talent for poetry and rhyming. (I would sit in his English class & scribble short poems in the front and back of my English work book.) He called me out on it one day and asked me why my book had so many doodlings and writing on it. I thought he was going to get angry. I thought I was in trouble, but much to my surprise he said that my doodlings and writings were quite good. He praised me for my poetic flair and said that the writings were great pieces of short poetry. He encouraged me to write more. I was surprised. After telling me this he did however advise that I write on proper paper and in my own personal time, not in lesson time. He said that personally he wasn't bothered but just so anyone else in the class that saw my book didn't think that they could get away with de-facing their work book. This made me laugh and it was then I realised what a 'cool' English teacher he was. I was also very relieved that he didn’t give me a detention!

The poems I would write were about life, feelings and emotions; they were my outlet to release all the pains and frustrations I had due to personal family life at the time. I never thought anything of my poetry writing but Mr. Cummings would always tell me that I had a gift.

One day he asked to see my poems so I brought them all from home (roughly a collection of 100 or more at the time) and gave them to him to have a look through. I never expected him to really go through all of them as I knew, being a teacher, he may not have time since he would have loads of student's school work to look through and mark. To my surprise after a couple of days he handed me back all of my poems and every single one of them had been precisely marked as if the collection had been an English assignment that he had made me do. He had made spelling and punctuation corrections as well as made suggestions in the margins of how I can better my poems. I was pleasantly surprised. The fact that someone had taken such a genuine interest really touched me. Nobody had ever read my poetry collection before that day.

To my surprise that wasn't all he did! A couple of months later, he told me he had entered me in for a poetry competition. He didn’t ask my permission, he just said he had entered me and that I needed to write a poem so he could submit it on my behalf. I was shocked... I asked him why he entered me without telling me first and he said because he knew I would say no. He was right, I would have said no and I explained to him why I thought that little old me could never win a poetry competition. He laughed at me and told me that I could do anything I put my mind to. He refused to listen to anymore of my babble and told me that he wanted the written poem on his desk by the end of the week otherwise he would give me a detention. I laughed at him thinking he was joking...surely he couldn't give me a detention for refusing to be entered into a poetry competition that had nothing to do with the school curriculum? My laughter soon disappeared when he gave me quite a serious look as if to say 'don't try me!'  so I went away, wrote the poem and handed it to him by the end of the week to avoid a possible detention hahaha.

Some time passed by and one day Mr. Cummings made me wait after class to talk to me. He told me that I was amongst the winners of the poetry competition and explained how the people who organized the young writer’s competition wanted to publish my poem in their anthology. I couldn't believe it! He then brought out a letter that had all the information on it and sure enough, my name was there. As I read the letter, something made me stop abruptly... The letter said congratulations to 15year old Evangeline... I paused and gave Mr. Cummings a puzzled look. "Sir, I'm not 15... I am 14," I said quietly.

"I know that," he replied confidently.

He then explained that the competition was for 15year olds and over but I shouldn't worry because he had told them I was 15. I looked at him in shock. He seemed to find the look on my face rather amusing and laughed for a few seconds before putting on a straight face and telling me that I should never follow by his example and be deceitful like that. He gave me a lecture about how I should always be honest in life. This just made me laugh, considering what he had just done. He explained that he did it for a good cause and that was the defining moment in my life when I came to understand the phrase that says: 'the ends justifies the means.' Up until that point I previously never understood what that phrase meant.

Mr. Cummings then asked me if I now believed in myself? I was still a bit shocked at everything and just quietly nodded. "Good," he said. Satisfied with my nod, he hurriedly ushered me out of his classroom explaining that he didn’t want to get in trouble with my next subject teacher for making me late to their class. I still couldn't believe it all, until I got a certificate through the post a few days later at home for the poem. I still have the winning certificate from that competition till this day!

This is just one of the many stories that come to mind when remembering Mr. Cummings in my school days. I wanted to share this story to highlight the fact that he was much more than just a conventional teacher. He genuinely cared about his students and pushed them to be all they could be.

Mr. Cummings continued to help me throughout school. Year 10 & 11 of school were really hard for me. It was really challenging because of personal things going on at home. I was becoming so sad with each passing day. I was starting to skip lessons and not show up to school some days. I found it difficult to relate to others and I withdrew myself from my circle of friends (or they withdrew from me...either way) I found myself being an outsider. I was depressed and each day became a struggle to even get out of bed. I hated life and didn't see the point in it at all. I was in a very bad place. My form tutor at the time must have picked up on this because I remember having a serious meeting with her, some other teachers, and my mother. We all met after school. In the meeting they all talked about me as if I wasn't even in the room. There were comments flying around left right and centre; suggestions that I should be taken to see a doctor and put on anti-depressant pills. I remember sitting there, feeling empty, no emotions and not a care in the world. I hated school and would have willingly dropped out if it hadn't been for Mr. Cummings.

Each lunchtime, when everyone went out with their friends for lunch, I had nowhere to go most times and usually no one to go out with anyway, so I would go and knock on Mr. Cumming's classroom door (he was always there for some reason). He would let me sit in his classroom and eat lunch. At first I would laugh at him saying that he lived his whole life in his classroom because whenever I came looking for him, he was always there! I would laugh and joke but secretly I was pleased because it meant he was always around when I needed someone to talk to and help sort out my crazy teenage thoughts about hating school and hating life so much!

I told him about the meeting that had taken place with my mother, form tutor and other teachers and how they wanted me to go on antidepressants. We actually laughed about this. I remember asking him what I should do... I was so lost. He didn't comment much he would mainly listen...but even just listening was a big help. Anything I wanted to talk about...he was always ready to listen. I would tell him about my home life and how the divorce of my parents affected me, how I missed my dad and how our living accommodation over the years had been crazy, how my self-confidence had disappeared and how all the stuff that was going on at home and in my head made me not to care about school or life. He would sit and listen to it all. I must have talked his ears off, my gosh, but not once did he complain or turn me away. He always made time to listen. He would tell me that things don't stay the same forever in life and that I was going through a storm that I had to sit out. He said I should trust him because he was old enough and had experienced enough life to know that things always change and how I felt now, would not be how I feel forever. He would tell me that my education is key to making a better future for myself.

As a young teenager I used to think that he had to say all those things because he was my teacher but because I had so much respect for him and I knew he genuinely cared, I actually paid attention to his words and listened. I resisted dropping out of school because he kept telling me that my education was important. I mean, every adult I met told me my education was important but as a teenager I had this default setting of not listening to what adults said because I genuinely believed that adults didn’t know what they were talking about and they were just silly older people that liked to tell everyone what to do. Mr. Cummings was evidently different. I willingly listened to him. I pulled my socks up (as they say) and put all my effort into staying in school. I did my best to go to each lesson. I owe it to him that I was fast tracked, took my English & Maths GCSE's one year early & left school with 10 GCSE's and grades good enough to go to any college I wanted, despite deliberately not showing up to one of my last GCSE exams.

I owe it to him that I now have a Business degree (grade 2:1), a post graduate diploma in music and artist development, an Early Years Professional Status qualification and I am now studying for my Postgraduate Certificate in Education to gain teacher qualified status...and to think that I was going to drop out of school at the first hurdle! Now that is a crazy thought.

If it weren’t for Mr. Cummings that is exactly what would have happened!

Personally for me, he was so much more than just an English teacher! He was a teacher, confidant & advisor that eventually became a friend when I grew older and left school. I was pleased that I kept in touch with Mr. Cummings (via email) when I left school. I am pleased that I was able to tell him that I went to University, graduated, got married and was still studying. I was pleased that he got to know that his efforts made a huge impact in my life. I was so pleased that he said that he would love to meet up sometime and see me and my husband and catch up over a coffee or something...

Unfortunately this never happened.

You see, I thought we had all the time in the world so I didn't respond straight away. When I did get around to it, quite a few months had passed. His email address had been shut down and that was my only means of communication with him. Just a couple of months ago I was asking some old school friends if they had his telephone number or any form of contact. Unfortunately nobody did. I could have gone to Hackney Free / Urswick School to enquire but I somehow convinced myself that it wasn't that important. I deeply regret not pursuing further.

Even in his death Mr. Cummings seems to have taught me a valuable lesson... much more valuable than any English lesson he taught! News of his death has taught me a huge LIFE lesson! He has taught me to always seize the moment, he has taught me to strike whilst the iron is hot and tell those you care about, just how much you love them and to do it today because TOMORROW IS NEVER PROMISED.

Much love and respect to you Mr. Cummings, may you rest in peace as your legacy continues through your family, friends, & all your students!

We love you.xX

Because of you, I am who I am

Because of you, I was able to stand

Because of you, I never gave up

Because of you, I've ended on top

Because of you, I believe in myself

Because of you & the way that you helped

Because of you, I'm achieving my goal

Because of you, I continue to grow

Because of you, I have made it this far

Because of you, I now shine like a star

Because of you, my very life was saved

Because of you and the impact you made!

Thankyou.xX

Naturally Beautiful / Mirror Mirror

If you are a lady reading this, I reckon the chances of you being a makeup lover are quite high. Some say makeup is like marmite: you either love it or hate it… whichever side you fall upon, this blogg entry will be food for thought.

Makeup; you may wear it every day for the whole day, or maybe just at some point in the day... If you own lipstick, foundation, concealer or anything along those lines then this blog entry is aimed at you :)

Now don't worry, I am not about to list the reasons why make up is good or bad for you, but I am about to challenge your views on the necessity of makeup... you may want to get comfy for this read...

Just so you understand where I'm coming from, I will give you a brief history about my personal relationship with makeup. I come from a family where the only make up in the house was loose face powder. My mother was never one to wear anything else and so it remains like that with her, till this day. Me on the other hand, got lulled into the world of make up in my last year of secondary school. It was my school leaver’s ball (the UK’s equivalent to the American school Prom) and I was getting ready at a friend's house. My friend insisted that my eyebrows needed shaping and that I would look great with eyeliner; and so it began from there!

I went through college like a mad scientist desperate to find the secret formula to looking ‘beautiful.’ I was experimenting with different creams, foundations, lip balms, powders brushes and everything... you name it and I’ve probably tried it! In spite of my genuine efforts to fall in love with makeup, it became apparent, that we just weren't a match made in heaven. I was so frustrated with not being able to find the right foundation match for my skin tone, the right powder or the right anything! The application of make up to my face always seemed to make me look worse and I remember the stares of horror I would get when on public transport, which did nothing for my self confidence as a teenager. I knew makeup wasn't for me but somehow I had got it into my head that I needed to apply it to my face before leaving the house... and so began my dependency on the stuff. I was hooked!

It was now a psychological issue where I lacked the confidence to go anywhere or do anything without having makeup on, even though my application of it was definitely all wrong, making me look even worse than I did naturally anyway! (I can say this in hindsight; at the time I thought I looked hot lol). This continued all through college and most of my university days. It was only after university, when another friend of mine introduced me to Mary Kay concealers and foundations, and helped me find my colour match, did I realise that make up (if applied correctly) could be such a wonderful thing! =)

This was all well and good but there was still one big problem! The issue of my non-existent self-confidence! Having found some make up that actually looked good on me, my dependency on it increased dramatically. I literally hated speaking to anybody face-to-face without my concealer and foundation.

Now to cut a long story short ... I am thankful to God that today I walk out the house with my face completely naked and free from everything (except some moisturising cream for the skin and good ol’ trusted Vaseline for the lips) without giving a second thought to makeup. It feels great being able to rub my eyes without the worry of ruining my eyeliner or mascara, hug someone without the worry of my foundation or powder rubbing off on their clothes or simply rubbing my face without the worry of rubbing my eyebrows off! (Just some of the joys of wearing makeup.)

Over time I have learned to like 'me' and to literally be comfortable in my own skin. Now I am not saying that I will never wear makeup ever again, (I’ll probably be seen wearing something like face powder one day… or who knows I may even go all out with some eye-shadow and mascara) I'm just pointing out that makeup is no longer a NECESSITY. I don't need it to feel attractive or confident. I wake up feeling great about myself each day (which is an awesome state of mind to be in).

Some may argue that they only use makeup to ENHANCE their beauty. There may also be cases where people suffer from skin scarring from an accident or an illness and makeup helps them get through each day; I am not condemning this at all. I am simply pointing out that when you become fully dependent on makeup in anyway… It can be a dangerous cycle! As long as you have a balance and you understand that you (as an individual) are so much more than just your outer appearance then that's a healthy state of mind to be in, (in my opinion).

Unfortunately there are a lot of ladies and young girls who are trapped in the psychological, vicious cycle of being dependent on makeup in every day life. When you get all your self-confidence from your makeup or you put life on hold because you haven't got your makeup on... that's a problem! Wouldn't it be great if we teach our little girls and young ladies that beauty comes from within, not from a face powder or blusher…. there's is more to a person than their outer appearance!

Now please remember, I'm not saying all makeup is bad and that you should never wear it! It's all about your own state of mind towards the stuff and not being dependent on it in order to simply enjoy life!

I encourage you to embrace your natural beauty, be confident in yourself and how God created you!  Be independent and free from the image the 'world' and society tries to place on you and just be you! It's taken me a while to get to ‘that place’, but I thank God I got there and have managed to stay ‘there’... as you see in the picture,  I am loving my natural skin & natural hair.... (hmmm .... natural hair....now there's a topic to discuss …. But that’s another story for another day, before I spark a major debate!!!!)

In rounding up I will say that personally I love the level of confidence that I have reached, it wasn't an easy journey but if I can do it, then so can you! 

-Mrs A-x

P.s What are your thoughts about this topic? Leave a comment... & check out the video that I made about this topic some years ago.

House Wife..? *Women's Issue*

I used to envy women that got to stay at home all day, whilst their husbands went off to earn the bacon. I used to think that after doing house work and looking after the kids (if they had any) they had the rest of the day to lazy about, kick back and relax! I used to think what an awesome life that would be!

Until.... It happened to me!

Now for reasons that I shall not disclose right now, I am currently not working. I'm a stay at home wife. My day consists of waking up, having a shower, getting dressed, breakfast, piano and guitar practice, university work (I'm currently working towards my 2nd postgraduate degree), day time t.v, an afternoon nap and a walk around the block (if I feel like going out);  that's pretty much it... oh wait, and of course housework and lots of it! After all that, I am bored out of my mind and the highlight of my day begins to be waiting for my husband to return home from work! I then wake up the next day and do it all over again! Yawn!

Now don't get me wrong... there is absolutely nothing wrong with living like this if it suits you and makes you happy. My point is that it is not for everyone and certainly not for me! I understand that some people have no choice but to live this way and they do a very good job at keeping the house clean and looking after the kids (which is a big job in itself) but given the choice right now, I personally would opt out! Let's just say I am beyond fed up :) and I smile because if I don't smile I will literally cry!

Now my situation is not forever and I will soon finish my studies and get back into the field of work... I never thought I would look forward to getting back into work. Oh boy do I look forward to going back to work and having adult group conversations, discussing current affairs and watching the clock, eagerly anticipating lunch hour so I can devour my jolloff rice with salad on the side (got to keep it healthy people). I never thought I would miss all those things! Here I am missing them and trying to drown my sorrows with a dose of day time TV, which by the way just makes you sink deeper into your sorrows to the point where you want to punch your own television... But then you remember how much the TV cost you to buy and how much a new would set you back if you broke it... Once you remember that, you are suddenly able to excercise some self control!

Although part of me did write this post to rant and let out some of my frustration, bear with me, as I also wanted to highlight some positives that I have learnt during my period of being a 'house wife'.

Firstly the importance of good friends! Now notice I said 'good' friends, not just any old Tom, Dick & Harry (no offence if you have any of those names). I have found that being a stay at home wife (or mum) can be incredibly lonely! There is only so much interaction you can have with an interactive TV or the Internet or your phone. There is something about human interaction that technology can never replace. I now understand why some retired, elderly people that live alone around my area stop me to have a chat about the weather! It used to annoy me when I was the busy 'rush, rush' wife... I used to wonder why they couldn't realise that I didn't have time to talk about how terrible the weather was, because I was in a hurry or I'd had a long working day (you know one of those days you show up late, you suddenly realise your shirt is on inside out and your boss is behaving like THE HULK when he's angry) and the last thing I wanted to do was to stop and chat about the weather. After having a long day at work I would be reluctant to stop and talk to anyone because to be frank...   I honestly didn't care! Ironically, back then, all I wanted to do was to go home and interact with the TV. Now after many weeks of being a stay at home housewife, if I go for a walk I find myself stopping to talk to people about.. yup, you've guessed it; the weather! I realise now that most  people don't actually want to stand around discussing the probability of rain, sleet or snow and how correct or incorrect the BBC weather forecast was that morning, but they in fact just crave human conversation, human contact and human interaction. I guess living in a 'dog eat dog,' individualistic society does that to you! We forget to reach out to people and  interact with them and even when we want to do so, technology ensures that the interaction is not as rich as it could be: although having said that there are many ways that technology does assists us to interact more.... But you get my point (hopefully).

I live far away from all my friends and most of family so the loneliness hit me like Nicola Adams hits her boxing opponents. It reminded me the importance of good friends,  keeping in touch and showing you care because being lonely is an ugly thing! Your friends are the people that help take away that ugliness and help make life beautiful... so keep 'em close!

I've also learnt the importance of not loosing yourself! Although I say this from the perspective of being a wife, it can be applied in all aspects. Now, what do I mean by not loosing yourself? I mean not loosing the things you love personally, the good things in life you do that make you smile, that bring you joy and reminds you that life is worth living! This could be sports, writing, poetry, music, painting, walking, running or cooking. Whatever it is that gives you that kick in life make sure you don't loose it when you get married, get promoted, get a new job or whatever. It's important to nurture your individualism and not loose touch of who you are as a person. Loosing touch with yourself can be easy to do if you are always prioritising your family, kids, spouse, job, your boss etc. Remember that amongst all of that you must prioritise yourself also. The key word here is balance! Balance things to keep yourself happy because the best gift you can give to the world or your family is a happy you! Spending a lot of time alone made me realise just how many things I love, that I no longer do or make time for anymore such as writing, poetry, music and other things. These are things that usually put a smile on my face or at least make me feel that life isn't as bad as it may seem at the time. I have found that having a lot of time on your hands helps you gravitate towards things you find enjoyable, simply because you become board and crave for something to do....but we must remember to still fit these things in, especially when other things compete for our time in life: doing this makes life that little bit more enjoyable... Remember the key word here is balance!

There are many other things I've learnt during this time of being alone to myself but if I list them all we shall be here all day! I shall end with highlighting the importance of keeping busy. One of the quickest roads to depression is not having anything to do, having nothing to live for, waking up each day for no reason. Start a project, get a hobby, try something new, learn a new skill or language; do something... Anything positive to keep your mind sharp. I am grateful in a way that I have a lot of coursework to complete for my university studies because it gives me a goal that I am working towards at the moment. It keeps my mind sharp and focused. This is important especially if you do wish to one day get back into the competitive world of work. Even if this is not your goal it is important to exercise your brain. We are creative beings, our brains are meant to be challenged, our minds are meant to learn, expand, obtain knowledge. I personally believe putting your mind to work on something generally helps you feel a lot better than you would feel after watching 14 hours straight of day time TV or YouTube videos...give your eyes a break and do your brain a favour... get up and do something, see the world, live life: don't just let it pass you by!

All the above is applicable to all you fellas that may be reading this but it's especially important to us ladies. Why do I say this? I say this because I am a lady myself and this is my blog and this post is written specifically for the ladies (hence the title saying Women's Issue) so I can be as biased as I like! (If you frown upon that, go and write your own blog where you can also be as biased as you like) :) ...... With all jokes aside, it is important to us ladies to keep emotionally balanced no matter the circumstance we find ourselves in. As we constantly strive to balance our emotions, hormones, family life, working life, finances, kids, the dog, the cat and whatever else may be in the mix, Western society can tend to look upon us as the 'super woman,' and there is that pressure to be educated, well presented, a good wife, good cook, good mother and a good provider amongst other things! We are expected to do this whilst looking 'sexy' from the moment we pull ourselves out of bed to the moment we lay our tired heads on our pillows each night. That is a lot of pressure to deal with! .. but ladies let me tell you this... the only pressure you have to deal with is the pressure you place on yourself! Society will always have their opinions and expectations, what matters is your own opinion of yourself, your own expectations and your happiness: what matters is YOU! 

Make sure you have a support system of good friends and (or) family that you keep in touch with, don't loose yourself (make time for YOU and the things that make you happy) and keep busy in life.., live life, enjoy life don't let it pass you by whilst you watch a 14 hour stretch of day time TV!

Make sure you are a happy YOU for the sake of your boyfriend, fiancé, husband, sons, daughters, friends, family and the whole of society. House wife or no house wife, working or unemployed.... I was a busy working wife, now I'm an overly chilled out house wife; not particularly loving the transition but making the most out of it (knowing it won't last forever) and learning from it. We are women (except you fellas reading this obviously!) and as a woman we have the ability to make the best out of whatever situation we find ourselves in.... because God created us to be awesome like that! ... Can I get an amen? 

-Mrs A-x